So I learned Monday that eggs over easy served cold can lead to food poisoning.
Go figure.

At least it let me catch up on my readings.
For your reading pleasure, a lil' ditty I came across in my literary travels.

Your one true love's a sailing ship
That anchors at our pier.
We lift her sails, we man her decks,
We scrub the portholes clear;

And yes, out lighthouse shines for her,
And yes, our shores are warm;
We steer her into harbor,
Any port in a storm.

The sailors stand upon the docks,
The sailors stand in line,
As thirsty as a a dwarf for gold
Or centaurs for cheap wine.

For all the sailors love her,
And flock to where she's moored,
Each Man hoping that he might
Go down, all hands on board.

Standard repost for the non-myspace crowds

And then there's me v2.0

Two things.

One: Mime School.
Yes.
I'm a classically trained mime.
But that was one semester in a required course for my college major (Theatre Arts) at the time.
Luckily, our final where we had to perform around campus was rained out.

Two.
I just noticed that my blogs might not give as much insight into me as I'd like 'em too.
I also noticed that I could solve that by answering the questions to my first rough draft of "The Application to Date my Daughter".
(ed. note: refer to archives)
New questions added marked w/ an asterix.

Enjoy.
Just to let you know, I wouldn't let my daughter date a guy that gave these answers.
Assuming I have a daughter and/or offspring.
Well, actually I would.
Because there's probably a bribed involved.

Name: Reginald Pam-Ut Mose
Birthdate: 06/05/1982
Occupation: Sales/Performer/Host/Bartender
Shoe Size: 11
Contact Information: [c]***.***.****

1. Do You know the answer to this question?
Always.

2. How did you meet our daughter?
Craigslist, under the casual encounter sections.

3. What color was her underwear that day?
Apparently commando.

4. Honest opinion, what do you think of her?
She has teeth.

5. Have any sexual scenarios played out in your mind involving her yet?
5a. If so, how many and please describe one in great detail.
As a fine gentleman raised Catholic an' brought up by Disney movies, no.

6. How many wet dreams have involved her so far?
N/A

7. Did you know her father killed a man once? On purpose.
It's a tale that's whispered throughout the people.

8. You do realize there's enough room in the backyard to bury one more body right?
Yes.
An' I happen to be 6'2 an' 170lbs at the moment.

9. What were you doing a year ago from today?
At this hour, probably sleeping or thinking about it.

10. Do you know the muffin man?
We go way back.
It's muffin much.

11. If you had 5 words to describe yourself, use two of them now.
Corgi.
Fan.

12. What do you plan to do with your life?
Be content.

13. Do you like my throwing knife collection? I keep them sharpened daily.
I'm a bigger fan of the ones you can throw directly from a wrist sleeve.

14. My wife has a great rack doesn't she?
I love spice racks!

15. Do you think that's why my daughter enjoys wearing low-cut tops?
If by low-cut you mean turtle necks....

16. If I tell you I want my daughter home by 11pm you have her home by...?
10:45pm

17. Do you believe in Scientology? Noooooooo.
If yes, please consider application void and vacate premises immediately.

18. What is your general plan for the first date?
Coffee/boba.
Something casual to just converse w/o the influence of alcohol.

19. Are you expecting physical intimacy? Not on the first date.
19b. If so, what kind and for how long? Handshake, or if I like 'em: kiss on the back of the hand.

20. What's the number for 911?
911.
But if you're usin' an internet phone, let it be known you're not gonna get the local authorities.

21. Do you have insurance?
Auto.
Eventually Love.

22. Lakers fan?
Since birth. I still remember the Great Western forum.

23. Chargers fan?
Yup. Just not the GM.

24. Fan of Bill Walton?
That's a dirty word we don't say around grandpa.

25. Do you like penguins?
Moist definitely.

*26. Have you ever taken prescription drugs or PCP?
Yes.
Wait.... huh?!

*27. Were you a mistake child?
Either that or adopted.

*28. Do you carry condoms?
I'm okay w/ buying some if needed.
But that's further down a relationship.
I do get regular checkups an' am a constant blood donor.
I'm good to go.

*29. Would you ever willingly karaoke anything from the musical Grease?
Good lord no!

*30. Can you show legal documents to prove that your are a citizen of the United States?
Yup.

*31. Have you had any convictions in the past 24 months?
Nope.

*32. Is your sex on fire?
Not that I know of.

And finally, a multiple choice question:
*33. If a father has room in his trunk for only one dead body and he has three(3) in total, how does he disperse of the bodies?

a) separate trips to the desert.
b) chop the bodies to maximize trunk space.
c) impromptu BBQ in the backyard.
d) take up embalming as a hobby.
e) live in denial.
f) be glad he's friend w/ the local law enforcement.

Hmm...
g) all of the above?

I handwash my car, it rains.
Go figure.
Plan is to get more posts out there eventually.

I just found myself distracted by personal issues.
My bad.

Eventually we'll all be getting out of this funk.
I'll be there to drink in celebration.